So you just realized you didn’t make the playoffs. The only other thing to do is read guest blogger Chris Long’s wrap up and see who to root for in theLGL’s fantasy football league, Necessary Roughness…
Week 14 is just another week for NFL teams, but for fantasy aficionados it means playoff time. Matt, Guy and Julie each had a shot at the final spot and the games didn’t disappoint. Several teams put up big numbers this week, but for those of us who are out of it was bittersweet. Sure I had 146 points, but I’ll be watching from the sidelines come playoff time. Mike, Jonny, Carlo and Matt with duke it out next week to see who gets to go on to the finals and ultimately champion of our inaugural season. For now, lets get to the week that was…
Play of the Week – Derrick Mason
It’s widely believed that going over the middle in the NFL is a good way to prove you are a man. I would argue that spinning your dick in the shower like a helicopter propeller achieves the same goal, but my methods are unusual and I won’t take offense to your disagreement. Mason took the conventional route on Sunday and ran right into the middle of the Lions’ secondary looking for trouble. He let said trouble spear him in the chest, was unimpressed, and continued toward the end zone. Now if he had met this trouble I’m guessing there would have been a different outcome.
Player of the Week – Brandon Marshall (53.00 fantasy points) – 21 catches/200 yards/2 TD’s – We’ll get into the record setting portion of the show a little later, but let’s contemplate another aspect of one guy hauling in 21 passes in a game… Is Kyle Orton in love with Brandon Marshall? Let’s look deeper. Marshall’s 21 catches on Sunday broke Terrell Owens previous mark of 20 set in 2000. Owens’ quarterback at the time was Jeff Garcia, who he implied was gay on a few different occasions. I think we can all assume that Kyle Orton sleeps with a #15 jersey on most nights. He’s pretty sure Marshall won’t reciprocate feelings, but hey if there’s a friendship there he’s okay with it. Maybe Brandon comes over and has a few too many drinks and things take a weird turn.
Matchup of the Week – JF vs. The Dukes – Julie had to be pretty confident going into this week’s game after seeing Brady’s lineup. No 3rd wide receiver with duds like Torry Holt and Michael Crabtree filling out the roster. Then Reggie Bush and Willis McGahee decided to show up. Bush put up a season high 25.90 points after cracking 20 just once prior to this week. McGahee swooped in at the goal line and stole a few scores from Ray Rice, posting 20.80 of his own points. It came down to Monday night, with Julie needing Vernon Davis and Anquan Boldin to outscore Crabtree and a 10 point lead. A classic fantasy heartbreaker unfolded, as Crabtree had his highest scoring game of the season to hold of Julie and deny her that last playoff spot. Here’s something to get started on passing the time ‘til next season rolls around.
Top scoring team – Insane Sandcrabs (188.74 fantasy points) – That is not a typo, Jonny’s team did indeed hang 188 points on the almighty Sniz & Fondue this week. The Sandcrabs racked up the most points we’ve seen in a week this year and with one more win they’ll waddle out of the ocean and onto the beach front of the Necessary Roughness finals. It’s official, this league has crabs.
Surprise Performer –Quinton Ganther (24.30 fantasy points) – 50 yards rushing/2 TD’s/3 catches/43 yards – Who? Exactly. The Washington Redskins started Ganther this week after Portis, Sellers, and Betts all sustained injuries in the previous weeks. Take note fledgling fantasy players, these are the types of guys who will routinely kill you late in the season. Little Quinton’s numbers weren’t very impressive, but he got into the end zone twice and had three receptions to round out a very respectable fantasy day. Al Davis missed the game while on a recruiting trip to prepare for next years draft. Apparently there’s a great prospect in the Galactic Empire that can throw the ball 90 yards, runs a 4.1 40-yard dash and swings a mean light stick.
Best player on the bench – Desean Jackson (35.80 fantasy points) – 6 catches/178 yards/1 TD/1 punt return TD – As my team is out of the playoff chase I was spared the frustration and ensuing temper tantrum after Desean put up 35 points sitting on my bench. An alumnus of Long Beach Poly, Jackson has really come into his own this year and rewarded fantasy owners for taking him early in the draft based on the potential he showed last year. Did you know Cameron Diaz went to Long Beach Poly too? Yeah, I think her and Desean hung out one time. Not too sure how it ended, but I think Cameron got some cool hair gel out of it.
Worst play of the week – Mike Sims-Walker – (1.6 fantasy points) – 1 catch/6 yards – In a related note, I started Mr. Sims-Walker in Desean’s place thinking that Mr. Jackson would still be feeling the effects of a leg injury that kept him out of last week’s game. This just goes to show that in fantasy you never really know anything. The same thing might be said about every day life as well. I mean who really knows how stuff like math and science work? If you ask me it all looks like Chinese to me. And carwashes? Forgetaboutit. You mean it washes and dries my car? Then why do I need to pay some guy to dry it some more? And why did he move my seat? He should know that I have it in a specific spot for a reason. I want my tip back.
Beer – I didn’t have the privilege of sampling a new beer this week, although several Miller High Life Lights and Bud Lights (thanks Ryan) were consumed during the UFC 107 show on Saturday night. Sunday was occupied by sleeping off those beers and learning how to look cool on my moped so I’ll leave you with this inspiring code to live by…
Extra Point – Record Setting Weekend – This weekend saw a few impressive records fall by the wayside. As I mentioned earlier, Brandon Marshall broke Terrell Owens’ record for receptions in a game with 21 catches against the Colts. Impressive as that is, the Colts one-upped Marshall by breaking the 21-game regular season winning streak held by the Patriots. The Colts have now won 22 straight regular season games and most likely will lose next week (A guy at the gas station said it’s “hard as shit to win 23 straight” so I’m going off that). That win also netted the Colts their 114th win of the decade to take the lead in that category. I suppose I can throw in my record of watching Home Alone for 189th consecutive time I’ve come across it on basic cable. Damn you Macauly Culkin and you’re boyish charm.
Losing is never fun, but the hate that come with a loss endures forever. Rivals are spawned every day, just ask Coach Gennero…
Coach Gennero: Dean Elias, for someone who hates football you sure spend a lot of time watching the sport.
Dean Elias: Eternal vigilance is the price of integrity, Coach Gennero
Coach Gennero: [quietly] What an asshole.
